My Time on Engine 1~

I attended Fred's services this past week, and feel a bit more at peace with his passing. The services were standing room only, it was a wonderful turnout. I couldn't resist wearing a red shirt due to Fred's time spent on the red fire engine. I still am struggling with wrapping my head around why he chose to do what he did. I suppose I won't know until I meet him in Heaven.



For those of you that don't know, I originally wanted to become a medic, not a nurse. I had completed my EMT-Basic program, and was getting ready to begin the medic program when I was in my first car accident (not my fault). After dealing with the back and neck pain, I knew that I wouldn't be able to lift the gurney and heavy equipment on a daily basis. That's when I decided upon nursing, and let me tell you, I'm so thankful I did. Sadly, I realized that I wouldn't be able to enjoy the adrenalin rush of arriving on scenes. Throughout nursing school, I'd often shadow the boys on Engine 1, all thanks to Fred allowing this. There's nothing more exciting than riding with the lights & sirens on, honking the horn, oh, and driving into oncoming traffic only to dodge a traffic backup. While working as a trauma room operating room nurse, I've had my fair share of adrenalin rushes. I suppose this is why I went into trauma nursing, yet this can be considered an organized adrenalin rush.



This past October, I was itching for an "unorganized" adrenalin rush, and asked Adam if I could join Station 1 on a few ride alongs. In this video, Engine 1 was dispatched to an unconscious man down in the street. Of course, it turned out to be a bum who decided to sleep in on a side street. You can see Fred in the captain's seat, doing what he did best, get his men around the streets of Tucson. Fred didn't know that I had hoped on Engine 1, until we got out of the engine. Once the guys figured out that the unconscious man was napping due to an abundant amount of alcohol, Fred came over to me and gave me a big bear (or Bair, his last name) hug. I genuinely loved Fred, likely as I knew my boy was always safe with Fred as his captain. Also likely due to spending many holidays at the station, as the crew quickly becomes a large part of your family.



You can even hear him laugh and say something in the video. I stumbled upon this video last night while laying in bed, and found comfort from seeing and hearing Fred's voice.

Micahel's Song~

This is one of my favorite songs, which has now turned into one of Michael's favorite songs! Michael often says, "Mommy, if we go down then we go down together." It's so precious hearing him sing his version of this song!

April's Sew Sampler Box

My Sew Sampler Box arrived yesterday and I am NOT disappointed! Happy first anniversary to the Fat Quarter Shop's Sew Sampler!

Tide Pool~

Hello again! I have to share with you my recent fabric purchase. I've been trying to save money and stop purchasing fabric as I went on a bit of a shopping spree near my birthday. I purchased this last month, and felt guilty doing so as it was $38! I decided it would be my last fabric purchase for a while.

Content~

Good morning all and happy Saturday!

Michael stayed the night at his grandma and papa's casa, which meant I got to sleep in! My body wakes me up at six am regardless of the weekday or weekend, however I was able to fall back to sleep and rolled out (figuratively speaking) at 0930!

I continue to have good days and bad days since Fred's passing, however I woke up today with such a fullness in my heart. I'm so grateful for my family and friends, which includes our fire fighter family. They have all reached out in this time of need, which speaks a lot for our support system. I don't know where I would be (mentally) without the support system that we have!

Of course, I have a few memes to add from Pintrest, that fit perfectly with my emotions!

This is so very true. My little family of three is my everything!

Michael asked me to hold him a few nights ago, however I had a huge paper that I had to finish. I then realized that he won't ask me to do so forever, and happily put my homework aside.

I could seriously watch him sleep for hours. He's such a little miracle, and so perfect in every way!

I stole the Challenger from Adam, and decided that I had to try the new Unicorn drink from Starbucks. It was decent until I got to the sour blue raspberry drizzle. I quickly threw it away once I reached that part.

My April Sew Sampler box should be arriving today from my favorite on-line store! Anticipate a post later with the new goodies!

Easter Fun With My Little Love~

I couldn't help but feel gloomy and continued heavy hearted yesterday due to the passing of Fred. What he did was not the Fred that we all have come to love and know. Adam has been having a difficult time, primarily because Fred was a second dad to Adam. They had such a strong bond, and Adam having spoken to Fred both this past Monday morning (the morning of Fred's brothers death), and then Tuesday morning, can't wrap his mind around the tragic event that ended Fred's life.

On the other hand, I couldn't sit in self doubt and wallow in pity as that was not what's best for Michael. The Easter bunny visited my parents house, and thank heavens for that as the Easter bunny had been overly preoccupied the week prior to shop for goodies! After our egg hunt, Michael & I played in the pool for what seemed to be hours. Here are a few photo's from our Easter.

My little Buggy~

The look on his face is priceless! I had no idea what he was up to until I saw the photo!

He asked me for a hug, I couldn't help but capture the moment with a photo!

On the hunt!

A little piece of perfection~

Mikey & his loot~

Oh the cheesy grins!

Getting ready to investigate his findings

Saying bye to papa

Maizy Daisy

Sew In Love

Here's a tour of a little piece of my "heaven." Enjoy!

Rest In Peace My Friend~

I was woken by a phone call early this morning that Adam's captain was tragically killed last night by a self inflicted gunshot wound.

It has been a very gloomy and sad day in our home, because of the loss of such a great man.

Fred Bair was Adam's captain at Station 1 for 10 out of the 13 years that Adam has been on the job. Fred has always been such a gentle and sweet teddy bear, or bair (pun intended). He would give the shirt off of his back if anyone was to ask for it.

Words cannot describe the loss that brings with his passing. It seems that when it rains, it pours. My soul is heavy tonight, as tears shed for Fred.

Rest your soul in peace Fred, I hope that you are in a room full of radios and flash lights (in heaven).

Todd, Fred, Adam, & Jim. Fred set the guys up to fly with Life Flight.

Adam, Fred, Jim & Todd

Playing with the Jaws of Life

Fred, Adam, Todd & Jim at our Tucson wedding reception

The boys joined Fred in Vegas for a conference on St. Patty's Day

I was fortunate to help out Engine 1 at the Cancer Walk

The Boys of Engine 1 after a fire @ The Tucson House (an amazingly shitty complex)

Two of my favorite captains @ Station 1. Ed Lopez & Fred Bair

Adam & Freddy~

Photo of Adam & I @ the annual Fire Fighters Ball @ Starr Pass, taken by Fred

How I'll always remember Fred, with a goofy smile on his face.

Happy Go Lucky Saturday~

Let me begin this post with a beautiful floral arrangement, because they add such joy!

I am sitting in my craft room writing one of the two papers for school that are due tomorrow, and realized that the beautiful mesquite tree in our front yard has blossomed and is now providing me with multiple green fan like objects to watch while gliding in the wind. They are simply mesmerizing. I filled the bird feeders outside of my window and hear the wonderful little bird chirps. Life is good friends, life is good!

I came across this on Pintrest and fell in love not only with the saying, but additionally the colors too.

A recent disagreement with Michael's birth mother made me realize how tricky semi open and open adoptions can be! I've been reflecting on adoption, and the complications that come along with the journey. I've read multiple articles about others experiences, and I'm thankful to hear that we are not alone in our feelings. Our adoption journey has not been easy, however I have learned so much, and hope to help others who may experience similar situations!

Of course, I fell across these fabric lines & can't help but WANT them!

Treehouse 5" Charm Pack

I've had my eye on this fabric for a while, however was unsure as to what I'd make with it. I couldn't resist the sale that Fat Quarter Shop had a week ago, although it was limit 1. I suppose 1 is better than none!



It's official, I really have an addiction. I just have so many ideas and am looking forward to getting back into the swing of sewing and quilting! I can't help myself!

Layer Cake!

Jolly Bar Review!

Hi all! This is one of my new Jolly Bar's & I'm in love!

I was reminiscing through photos last night and realized that the happiest and noted the utmost fulfillment that I've experienced in my short 36 years was shortly upon Michael's birth. I have so many fond memories of lounging around the house with our little newborn, our little man. I felt such warmness knowing that Michael felt comforted and reassured either when I would hold him, or he would fall asleep on my chest. What I wouldn't do to return to that time period!

Mommy & Babies first tummy time

Daddy & Babies first tummy time

Not a care in the world!

Relaxing in Michael's nursery

Those chubby legs!

He's always had such a perfect little face!

This was much needed after a long day of traumas in the operating room!

Early morning nap~

This was Adam's & my anniversary, our poor little guy had croup.

I adore that he likes to lay still touching me in some form.